To find out or leave it as a surprise?

Right from the beginning of my pregnancy with Julia I told Jon I was going to find out the sex of the baby. He pleaded with me for it to be a surprise. I just couldn't "not know". I hate to say it, and truly its a human tendency, but I did secretly *hope* it was a girl...I think just because I was so young and I knew I could help a daughter grow up and relate to her throughout the years. I would have of course been just as happy and excited with a boy. At this point, knowing we want 3 or 4 kids I don't have much of a preference for the sex of this baby. What is done is done! He is already a he, or she is already a she. I just hope for a sweet, healthy baby. Like I said, I kind of have an intuition that its a boy, but I think that could be the fact that this pregnancy is very different from Julia's, but as they say- "every pregnancy is different". I just have a feeling, I guess it is inevitable that we will find out! When will we find out? That is the question.

I am really considering waiting until his/her birthday to find out. I know it is something that Jon has always wanted for the birth of his children, and I do feel like I overpowered him in the decision to find out with Julia. I think the end result is that this baby will be absolutely loved no matter what the sex, hair colour, eye colour, loud or quiet, big or small, and yes- even healthy or unhealthy. I think it would be a special moment to hear that, "Its a ______!" after all the work that my body will go through to bring this little person into the world. I think its nice to go in with a couple of names for a boy, a couple for a girl, and wait to meet the little one before naming him/her. It would be a different experience then having the baby named months before he/she arrives.

I keep going back and forth, because really it is very exciting to find out via ultrasound as well. It is so nice to prepare, as I recall all the pink and girly preparations, painting the room pink, picking out the crib bedding, the little pink outfits and all the accessories that come along too. The baby showers filled with excitement over a new little girl. If we are to have another little girl we will have everything we need! A little boy and we would have quite a few things- but not a single outfit or sleeper. Nothing blue, nothing "boy". Just gender-neutral from the things we already have. I know this is easy to fix soon after "he" came home, but it was really nice to have everything prepared so perfectly for our daughter. I don't like the idea of yellows, greens, whites, "neutrals" for either a boy OR a girl. These seem like silly thoughts but they are authentic to my mushy mind right now!

We have a good 10 weeks left before we really need to decide on this, but it does pop into my mind quite often, and I feel torn over it. Right now I am leaning towards waiting to find out until the birth. I could change my mind in 5 minutes though, so I won't post about this again until we make a decision!