November 23, 2009

My due date is November 23,2009. That seems so far away, but when I break it down into events that are occuring throughout the year it actually doesn't seem too too far. We'll have about a one month old for Christmas 2009. I am cautious this time around, but I'm also not going to let it ruin my pregnancy. I feel good about it, I'm having strong signs, and I am confident and excited. Its so amazing to think of the little life inside me right now, 9 months does wonders! Julia will be a few months shy of 3. I think that age gap will be nice. I'd kind of like a boy because there is a bit of an age gap, if they were closer I would have liked a girl next. I have no control over that though, and truthfully I will just be happy to have a healthy baby.

I am very focused on having a much more natural birth experience this time around. I would really like to get the midwives I had for my last pregnancy, I really connected with both of them and I felt so much more connected to the whole process through a midwife. It is such a different experience than a GP...I will definitely never go back to having a GP for pregnancy and delivery. The midwife clinic is so much more personal, friendly, welcoming and natural feeling (www.pomegranate-midwives.com). I am set on a VBAC if it is possible, and luckily they won't be able to induce me again in any case. If all goes well they will let me go into labour naturally and hopefully have as natural of a birth as possible. I would really like to consider a water birth as well, but unfortunately only BC Women's offers that and you have to be a resident of Vancouver. I could do a home birth, but I don't want to be having a home birth in a rental, and especially for a VBAC I think the hospital is a better option. I would prefer to birth at Lions Gate, but depending who is on call when I go into labour I might possibly have to go to St. Pauls- which I actually don't have any reason to fret over other than the fact that its a little farther away. Jon is very supportive of all of this, and I am very happy about that. He wants to be more involved with this birth and be more of a help to me. I want to find a really experienced doula this time around too, I'm going to get refferals from Pomegranate. Something I am going to push for is a first trimester dating ultrasound. My dates are really confusing me, and it would be nice to have a set-in-stone due date, unlike last time having it change a couple times.

Right now I'm just adjusting to the rush of hormones. I am SO tired, much more so than my last pregnancy, or even Julia. I feel like I could go to bed at 7 and sleep in until 10. I am feeling a little nauseated still, sensitive to smells and don't feel like I could stomach anything spicy. It hasn't turned into full-fledged morning sickness...I think that came at about 6 weeks with Julia. Guess we will have to wait and find out!

Its still early to be thinking of these things, but I know what I want and I think its nice to actually know what is going on this time. When I think about it I was totally clueless with Julia, I only really knew what I was told by my GP who I had 15 min appts with, and then what I read- which was from all sorts of different sources. I feel more informed with a midwife, it makes me feel more in control and less in the hands of our crazy medical system.

I am so excited, and can't believe I'm only 4 weeks. It will be blissful to hit the 12 week mark, and from then on it will be smooth sailing. Until then I will be excited, but I can't completely sweep the anxiety under the carpet. I'm thinking positive and assuming it will all go well. This time around I am going to tell close friends and family, I think its better to have the support no matter what the outcome. Otherwise its too lonely. Don't think I'll go totally public with the news until the 18 week ultrasound...that makes it seem a lot shorter. Also debating making the due date known to everyone else...just puts on more pressure, anxiety and disappointment when things don't happen right on schedule.

Anyway, next post I'll start posting some pre-belly pics. It'll be interesting to see how long it takes to show this time :D