H1N1 and all that jazz

Well I have to say I have had a pretty intense internal struggle making this decision. I have researched as much as I possibly can, weighed the pros and cons, read a lot of articles, talked to a lot of people both professionals in the health care field and friends and family.

The biggest issue I have stumbled upon is the fact that I am in THE high risk group. This would be a completely different story if I wasn't pregnant- especially in the last month of my pregnancy. The answer would be simple- I would not get the vaccine. But I have had to take into account a couple of things:

a) We are all more susceptible to this virus because it is so new and our bodies cannot recognize it and fight it off as easily as the 'ol seasonal flu (a reason many people have only had "the flu" once, if not at all). We have all been exposed to the seasonal flu since infancy and our bodies create a strong wall against it through the years.

b) As being 36 weeks pregnant, I really cannot risk being very ill with a flu right before/during labour. I need all my strength.

c) For myself, it is quite inevitable that I will get this virus, I don't usually get the small colds and bugs that go around...but I seem to get all the bad ones, and I get very sick when I do get them. I have developed pneumonia from the flu before, and that was without any underlying medical conditions. I know from experience that I do not do well with respiratory illnesses, this seems to be a weak point for my immune system.

d) My baby is going to be born right in the midst of flu season, around Christmas time, and exposed to this virus right from day 1. I am already feeling anxious about people touching and being around the baby in the case that I do need to go to the mall, the grocery store, etc. I am going to have to keep him/her as concealed as possible from the general public. This feels a little overprotective but I do not want to risk my child getting a flu as a newborn, it would be a terrible situation.

e) Even if I can avoid this flu until after the baby is born- do I really want to be very ill with a newborn and a 2 year old? Could I handle it? Could I handle it if the baby were to become ill, and Julia too?

f) I cannot isolate myself enough to the point where I would be avoiding the virus completely. Jon works, goes to the store for groceries, works with other people. If he comes into contact with it, it can easily be spread to our home.

g) How would I feel if Julia became very ill from this? If I knew there was something I could have done. She is in the second highest "high risk" group being between 6 months-5 years old. It is another question as to if I should get her vaccinated as well...and I have to think about this in terms of all or nothing. If I get it, it really isn't as effective unless Julia and Jon are vaccinated as well.

h) The vaccine is not as tested and tried as I hoped it would be. It makes me nervous. How would I feel if down the road something comes up with my baby and it is linked to this vaccine? From all the reading and research I've done I've come to an understanding that the actual vaccine is very similar to the seasonal flu vaccine, however, I don't get the flu vaccine on an annual basis. I have had it before, with no ill effects, but I choose not to get it even still.

i) I believe our immune systems should be built naturally. I am not against childhood vaccinations, but I do think "the flu shot" is unnecessary unless I am a senior citizen. This is different though. This is me, pregnant. This is a time where I really cannot afford to be sick.

j) Hospitals and clinics are probably the worst place I can possibly find myself in if I want to avoid the virus. I will be in the hospital twice in the next 3 months- once for birth, and another time for surgery in January. In either situation I do not want to be leaving with the flu!

I think I'm going to get the vaccine. I think I'm going to get Julia the shot too, and Jon.

It's a hard decision when I know that it does technically go against what I believe, but there are risks associated this time and they do outweigh the "possibility" of side effects, etc. I think its the best thing for myself, my baby and my family. I can't protect myself by isolation, or take any other preventative measures at this point. I wash my hands frequently, use hand sanitizer, try to stay out of busy public places. But, I think it is inevitable for me as an individual- especially given my situation right now.

I hope I can live with this decision in peace, and that everything will go smoothly from here on. I am choosing not to listen to the media's hype about all of this, avoiding reading on all the kooky government "conspiracy" theories, and making this decision from my own personal research and beliefs.

To my sweet baby,

I can't sleep tonight and most of my thoughts are circling around you and your arrival. I want to cherish this time we have together, even though I am so eager to meet you and see your sweet little face. These months of carrying you have been a blessing, and it truly is a miracle to know that I have grown you and kept you safe all this time so you can develop into your little self. I know the essence of you has always been, right from the very beginning I have had a sense of you and it is beautiful for me to experience every day, and will be every day of your life.

You are such a gentle soul, an old soul. I have sensed it from the beginning, and you fill me with such a warm charm. It is so amazing to feel you even though I have never met you. Since I first learned I was pregnant I have grown to know you in a very special soul-to-soul way, and you have given me great comfort and assurance throughout the months that you would grow healthy and strong. I feel so peaceful, and so very in love with you. I feel like we have known each other forever and when we meet again it will be a beautiful experience on so many levels.

I hope you are comfortable and cozy in these last few weeks, and that you decide to come when you are good and ready. The way you decide to come into the world is out of my hands and truly in your favour. You are a beautiful little soul. Can't wait to meet you.

I love you,

Momma.

35 weeks and counting!

It has been quite a while since I last posted- unfortunately we still don't have internet hooked up at our new house!

A lot has happened and time has flown by. I can't believe our little one will soon be making an appearance!

To begin, my gall bladder will be removed at the end of January. Unfortunately I found out the worst way possible that I have gall stones and an irritated gall bladder...well probably the only way to find out, but I have had two pretty rough gall stone attacks. Absolutely awful and painful, easily more painful than labour. Now I feel more confident to get through labour actually! I've changed my diet quite drastically and until yesterday I hadn't had any greasy/fast food. Man were my onion rings and chicken fingers good....mmm. Won't be making a habit of it though, had to suffer through heartburn the rest of the day! I was a little concerned with my weight because of cutting fat out of my diet, as I lost almost 3 lbs but have now started to climb back up. I figure I'll have gained almost 25 exactly by full term. Its been easier to stay on track this time, but I also haven't cared for junk food. Makes a huge difference.

Last weekend Jon and I snuck away to Victoria for a last hurrah before we have 2 kids! We stayed at an absolutely beautiful B&B (ambrosiavictoria.com) which included gourmet breakfast (truly delicious, cannot recommend enough!). We walked around downtown Victoria, ate at great restaurants, walked some more, caught a movie, and caught up with each other and had time to really enjoy each other! The room was so nice, and had a jet tub and rain shower. Total luxury compared to our little house with a mattress on the floor (mental note: BUY A BED FRAME ASAP!!). My Dad was great to come stay with Julia for the weekend and she had a fun weekend as well. Everybody was relaxed and happy by Sunday night.

I can officially say I'm uncomfortable. My pelvis feels like its going to break, I'm exhausted by the end of the day- even with a nap. I have braxton-hicks contractions all day and they drive me crazy. I have to breathe through some of them as they can get quite uncomfortable. Its just an inconvenience and I never had them with Julia. Hope its doing some sort of good for preparing for baby's arrival.

This baby is still my zen baby. Very calm and not very active. Lots of sleeping, a couple of nudges and little elbows and knees, but no frantic movements or constant squirms. Sometimes it worries me but I really think this baby is just more of a gentle soul. He/she reacts the most with movement to Daddy's voice over anyone else. Have to mention the hiccups too, at least 5 times a day!

I've been craving candy like crazy. Its the weirdest thing to want silly childish things like sweet tarts, nerds, gummy bears, etc! Can't get enough of it all. I guess I'll take it over craving greasy food like I did with Julia! MMM Halloween is coming!

We had Thanksgiving at our house this year. It was so nice to have everyone together, friends and family. The dinner turned out SO good (still got to enjoy Momma's cookin in the comfort of my own home haha). I don't think I've enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner as much as I did this year, well except for when pregnant with Julia I guess! I love the tradition of the holiday, and I'm so happy to share it with my child- soon to be children!.

I'm going to start making receiving blankets soon, I'll make some girly and some boyish and then gift whatever I don't need later! Sewing will be a nice way to feel like I'm nesting without going over the top so early.

To end this post, I really feel confident that baby is a girl! I'm not sure why, but I just have that feeling. Now I can say I have officially gone back and forth strongly in both directions but I think this will last. I would be really surprised if we have a boy. I'm pretty sure its a girl, and especially going through Julia's baby clothes it got me pretty excited and into the baby girl zone. Oooooh either way I can't wait! Getting so anxious and just want to meet this sweet little baby!

I'll try to update more often. More belly pics to come soon. I'm actually quite small, and people don't fail to tell me every freakin day! I apparently don't look as far along as I am, but I'm just glad I'm not looking like a hungry pregnant monster.